Elle (llieno) wrote,
Elle
llieno

Instrumental Interlude

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a verdict. The doctor got to me to do a few deep breaths, which caused me to cough right on cue, and I have bronchitis. Which means amy_k called it. Not that there was any kind of competition, but it does explain why this cough hasn't been going anywhere despite flu coming and going on top of it. I have a prescription for some antibiotics, but I didn't go and get it today because I also had an actual lesson (in Reading Week, due to postponements from the snow days) and afterwards I was hungry and it's dark and cold outside.

On an utterly different note, one of the Shadowboxers (who I think is on LJ) mentioned possibly sending me an ukelele for my birthday. This excites me and fills me with thankfulness. I don't believe I'll be particularly good at playing it, but I do want to play an instrument again. I've never quite dropped the dream of getting a keyboard once this chaotic year is over and learning to play it, even if I'll never be any good. Or perhaps a metallophone, those giant glockenspiels that dong instead of ding. I mention the latter because I frequently chose it as my instrument when we had Music lessons waay back and I loved its sound and I was told one day I played it perfectly with correct rhythm and it made my week.

I wish I had learnt to play an instrument. I have only myself to blame, really, since my parents were pretty keen, but I kept refusing for some reason I can't understand. I really don't get myself back then in the slightest. Later on, I adopted the position that because I was terrible at doing most hand-based activities (hello dyspraxia), I would never be any good anyway so there wasn't a point. But I really love music and especially after going to the open mic night and seeing these cool guitar guys and girls, I really would like to be able to play things myself, even if I'd never be good enough to make anything out of it. So I'd start with a ukelele, of all things, and see if I can do anything with that.

For the meantime, though, my creativity is still poem-based. Rather than actual uni-work based. I am so out of practice. You should not do what I'm doing in final year if you can help it, trust me, even with its all its beautiful highs.

And to end with, since I've not posted enough of them these past few days, a poem! But this one is designed to be read out loud, since people at Writers' Circle keep telling me my poems thrive on their telling. I call this poem 'Crash':

It is empty and silent
I turn on my computer
Remembering the pain
Practicing my lines
Loading my personal details

I try to put on a happy face
For my friends to face no fear
For me to prolong and pretend
And so that I seem really here

Dadancing in time with the music
Everything's fine, everything fines
and I hope that they arare too fooled
To read between between the lines

Instant messassassges leave no time
In an instance everything is changed
and if I I I listen to my mp3s
I might forgot that I'm deranananged

Too many applications running
I can I can feel the oververload
and who was who was who was watching
which way the datastream flowed?

I am OK I am OK I am OK I am KO I am KO I am KO I am

Room tototo chat but nononot for me
The keys the keys the keys are unlocking
The painainainainainainain of my memory
I think I'm O O O O O O O O Overclocking

Theytheytheythey must have knoknoknoknown what it'd do to me
I can only take take so much
I'd not be be be be be be be like this
If I could only only only only only only touch

I can't keep up down left right up with the programme
I've lost my work, I did I did I didn't save
I might be falling falling falling falling
I don't have to all all all always be be be be brave

I love I love I love I loved I love I see
I must report abort abort report the fault
I want I want I need I need I need I must
must must must must tell this to halt

No, trust me, I'm fine really
No, me trust, fine I'm really
Me, fine real, I'm no trusty
Trust no I fine real me
No trust no fine no real me
No trust, you can't find the real me
No trust, you can't can't can't can't
No no no no no no no real me

I think I think I think I think I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel
I know I know I know, I...no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Shutdown
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