February 25th, 2009


The Write Approach

I am finding it so so hard to do work still. I haven't been to see Rudolf despite everything because I haven't got his gobbet done, and turning up without that would make the whole 'hi, my dissertation is nowhere and my essay is still not done' thing much worse. As it is, I'm in deep water, and I need to just do things to get myself out. I've got an important project to do for the end of the month, the precis, which I previously felt quite optimistic about, until I recieved back my most recent mock, covered in comments that it was 'unclear', 'exaggerated', 'too detailed' or just 'incorrect'. It got a fairly decent mark, but the comments spoke far more to me. I'm not giving in to despair, though, because looking at it, the 'unclear' comments nearly all stem from by writing style, which is obviously too uncommon to be allowed in such things. I shall have to be careful to be dull in the final piece, clearly.

I meant to get work done last night: the gobbet, and the mock precis for today. I got neither done. To be fair, I spent most of the evening at Amanda's, talking to her about her family and about writing. She told me her novel idea, which lasted 25 minutes and blew me away. I want to read the unwritten book so much. I felt like my ideas were dim and pathetic in comparison. I need to work on my writing more, and understand what makes my writing my writing. We also had pancakes since it was pancake day, and those were gorgeous, although sadly not quite satisfying due to me having missed lunch and replaced breakfast with a large slab of chocolate and coffee. Eventually, I came back to my room, and Holly joined me, and we fell asleep.

I'd been planning a late night, so waking up close to 4am led me to be a little jumpy. I had some lovely lovely vanilla milk (ice cold from the fridge) to wake up a little, and then embarked on an ambitious cooking spree, at 4am, in my pyjamas and dressing gown. TVP burgers, lemongrass rice, fresh peppers, jalapenos, peas and sweetcorn in a BBQ and chilli seasoning. It took a while for sleepy me to cook it, and I almost cut myself using my new sharp knife on the pepper, but it was worth it, I think, since it was very tasty. I took photos. I ate it slowly, complimented with liquorice tea, but I didn't actually get any work done, despite feeling good for being up so early. I penned the first draft of an article I'd been planning on writing, but I'm not sure how good it is yet. And then, at about eight O'Clock, I fell back asleep and ended up being late to the translation class at 10am...

Amanda suggested the possibility of doing an MA in Gender Studies. I must confess, I hadn't given that much thought before, partially because of the way it seemed 'obvious'. I don't know...I am really getting into the gender part of East German History (I'd have to be, it's my dissertation). So I'll consider it. I used to be so sure of doing MA Modern History, but...I worry I'd miss the creative, the artistic. I love studying literature, and I got deeply involved in my Romanticism essay back in second year, moreso than I did on all the more political history. Doing a Literature MA is probably not a good idea given my relative inexperience (German Literature courses are significantly easier to get good marks on than English Literature). A German MA would give me the chance to do a mini-phD, but I worry I may need the structure to get me to actually work. I'll need to decide on something soon...next year approaches.

Oh, and after 7.5 weeks, I have taken out the studs and am wearing lovely new earrings. Even if they're not very noticable against my hair colour. I'm still getting used to the dangly feeling there, but I love it nonetheless!