So Irgendwie

Today. More normal, I think. Hardly any crying sessions, anyhow. Although I still spent way too much time in bed. Following the idea I should actually be doing things, I headed over to Holly's room to throw away the bananas she had left for me and which I hadn't eaten due to not being there because of my illness which still hasn't quite gone. Then I went to an open mic night at the Monkey's Forehead pub nearby, which I'd never been into before because it never really seemed like my sort of place.

I'd gone because aleas_iacta was going to play a short set, and I told her I wanted to cheer her on, but I also wanted to actually hear her sing and play guitar. However, her party were delayed due to trains. Delayed by an hour, leaving me spending the first 20 minutes sitting at a table on my own with a rum and coke trying not to look too desperately lonely, especially given I'd moreorless been indoors away from other people since Tuesday. There was a table full of really blokey blokes, who were shouting loudly and jeering at each other and being quite rowdy, which was a problem because they'd surrounded the entrance to the ladies, but when I finished my drink and they went out en masse for a smoke, I took my chance. I had my lip balm with me at least which helped with the cracked lip, but while I was in there, the blokes came back and I could hear them just outside the door. When I did leave, I tried hurrying past as quickly as I could, but I'm sure one of them shouted something about condoms(!) as I passed by. Perhaps they thought I was buying them or whatever, I don't know, but I quickly found a single-stool table and perched there until people arrived.

The music was generally good that night. The hosts played bluegrass, which was pleasant but extremely background, and of the musicians that weren't from our group, some were great and one wasn't...poor guy kept forgetting lyrics, stopping playing, and leaning over his friend's shoulder to see what they were before playing on. aleas_iacta sang and played really beautifully, despite her nerves and silly belief she wasn't any good, and I bought her a drink afterwards. The boyfriend of puddingdragon was there, and we caught up quite a bit since we hadn't seen each other for a long time, and I was pleasantly surprised to hear that puddingdragon has spoken to him about me quite a bit. So he knew all about me, which was a little strange and a little relieving. He's also a Dresden Dolls fan and Ladytron fan amongst many others, but why is it those two bands seem to have such overlapping fandoms (well, I've met five people including myself, so that's an exaggeration). He invited me over sometime, which is great because I want to catch up, and I was also getting a little upset that I didn't really have any close friends in the area aside from tragic_peculiar, aleas_iacta, and Viv, who's a little too far to walk to.

Also, based on the evening's evidence, my belief about sexuality I posted on last night was correct.

On one final note, some of my coughing fits now lead to me retching. Generally only when I come inside from the cold. But in any case, what on earth is causing that? Possibly not eating enough isn't helping, but I'm working on that as I get better (or pretend I'm getting better). I need more drink too. I bought some blackcurrant juice and drank that, but the pear juice's lid is impossible to get off and it hurt my hands trying and it looks delicious. Grrrr.

My head has been in a really strange place today (not literally). I found myself thinking myself a little insignificant and confused, so I went for a walk, had something to eat and went to Cafe Jules to try and sort things out, so I'm not being a crazy to tragic_peculiar when she comes over tonight. I have worked some things out. Like getting out a bit really helps. And that I still have irrational things in my head that won't go away that easily.

But I'll post about that in more detail either tonight or tomorrow depending on how things are. I don't think there's any cause for concern, and I'll be more together soon enough. I need to be. I weep for my degree (actually, I am very close to doing just that).

SO here is something different. I just saw on the BBC News site that they're holding a North-South poetry event at King's Cross this evening. Fair enough, I thought, that sounds like a great idea. I read the two poem excerpts they posted and instantly felt that I was a silly poet who shouldn't waste her time when she clearly isn't good enough. Thankfully, something else distracted me: the fact that in this battle, as usual, the middle was ignored. Now, as a daughter of Nottingham, I am a Midlander myself, although in some regards, especially recently (my accent apparently, too), I've become rather Southern. And to be honest, I feel that Nottingham itself is divided into North and South making the Midland definition a little culturally lost.

But I figured I'd write something to the BBC story in defense anyway. Yes, it's a poem, No, it's not very good, and I did it so quickly you don't even have to pretend it is this time. So here goes...( Collapse )</strike>


...maybe being in messy headspace is better, after all.