I feel very vulnerable right now.

It's now less than three weeks until I move to Germany for my year abroad. I really don't want to go. Not because I find it scary, although I do, but because it feels so much as if it's just getting in the way of things. I don't have a choice, though, beyond quitting my degree, which would be daft, so I'm off to Cologne in a fortnight. Holly and I will be spending three days (technically four, but we arrive late on Thursday) there before the course at Altenberg starts, largely to give us more time together before a year when times together will be brief and far-between, but also to get us used to Germany again. It took me some time when I went over there a month ago, and I don't want to arrive in Eutin saying things like "Ich habe gefergotten" or "Wo ist der Petrolstation?" (for the record, I can say both those things properly).

We just finished sorting out flights and hostel bookings. Altenberg ought to be sorted too, meaning that the focus shifts to Eutin. I still haven't got somewhere to stay: my contact found an apartment for me in Malente, which sounded perfect, but I then went to Amecon, managing to leave my phone behind, and when I got back, it had disappeared. My brother knew where it was, but wouldn't get it for me, so Mum did when my parents returned back from France on Tuesday. As such, I'm guessing that apartment won't be available any more, and with limited time left to sort things out, I'm rather stressed about it. Still, that beats worrying about the actual job of being a language assistant, which the booklet makes seem very demanding indeed (try and do this, but be aware of that, and when doing this or that, these rules are important to follow, except in exception).

It's not as if I was in a position to tackle all this recently anyhow. Holly came over here for two weeks, one either side of Amecon, and we spent a lot of time together. I actually felt like going out for a change, so we went and watched The Simpsons Movie*, and an interesting and well-rated French film called Private Fears in Public Places, bought several items, including some Neil Gaiman books for me**, a comic about corgis for Holly, and a DS for me***, along with Pokémon Pearl****. We also ate twice at Dim-T, which is now officially our favourite restaurant, offering gorgeous oriental dishes for reasonable prices, and in a beautiful setting, with copious amounts of green tea*****. We also spent a lot of time at home, finishing watching Death Note******, starting watching Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei*******, watching some Lucky Star, and watching the BBC's India & Pakistan******** season.

Eight footnotes aside, when Holly had to go back on Sunday, I really missed her, to the extent that I didn't get up on Monday until mid-afternoon, as I felt that doing most things were not as worthwhile without Holly there to do them with (such as watch anime, go out, even cook food like my chillipasta).

Time is going past so quickly this Summer. Germany looms larger, whilst weeks with Holly, and Amecon, are now in the past once again. My time here now seems so short that I'm worrying instead of actually making best use of it. I honestly feel as if I'm now standing on unstable ground, and only having accommodation sorted can really help me off it. However, with my contact's phone now answering right now, and her only checking e-mail every so often, I can't see that happening today at least.

I feel very vulnerable right now.

( Footnotes )

I came all the way to campus to give Astrid her present, to hand back several Department DVDs, and to upload 150 photos from my camera. None of the staff were in, and my camera ran out of batteries. Thus I figured I'd make the most of being here, hence the new icon, which has been sitting in my mind for a while now, ever since I saw a similar Doctor Who one. I wonder if 'Cid' is a Time Lord?

(Actually, in my hyperfantastical notion of 'Final Fantasy Infinity', the Final Final Fantasy, which would take place both before and after all the other games (which would be linked the recurring concept of spheres and circles), the riddle of the name of Cid would be explained. Also, Biggs and Wedge would finally recieve their reward for being the Square (Enix) equivalent of Blackadder, Gilgamesh would wield Excalibur, and so on...)

We're booking accommodation for Amecon at the moment. Although I registered some time ago, neither of us were fully sure if we could go until recently, hence it being a little last-minute. Still, it'd struggle to be more remote than we were last year, with a 45 minute walk to the Con from our accommodation, and only once we knew the quickest route. I remember thinking last year that I'd have to cosplay this time, but I really doubt we could pull together anything worth it in the time we have, and our respective costume skills.

Omega XII fell all too quickly. I didn't realise the EU version had the US HP. Game's almost over then.

Congratulations to those of my friends who recieved their degree notifications today! If I weren't taking German, that would mean it'd only be a year until I joined you...but I've got Eutin first. I'm heading out there in about a month with my father to see what it's like, and to decide on where to stay. Accommodation is pretty pricey, being a resort town, but my alternative is to stay with a family, which would obviously take some thought, and some luck in getting one who could cope with me.

There was quite a storm on Tuesday. I know this because we were outside at the time, albeit it only a few steps from the shelter of Staines' restaurant district. We'd gone out for a meal, and only just made it before the air turned to rain and thunder rolled overhead. However, being just afore the Solstice, it was too light to properly enjoy the storm. There hasn't been a good storm since last year. The meal was interesting: we went to an upmarket Italian restuarant, and I figured I'd try the gourmet pizza, seeing as I was used to 'normal' pizza from Pizza Hut, Tescos or Dominoes. I wasn't disappointed, and it came with enough rocket on top to make it almost look like a salad. It was stuffed so full of prime meat, and came with a bottle of chilli oil: I could only manage about 5/7 before feeling on the verge of exploding. Nevertheless, I now know what it truly means to eat pizza. Also, we've become used to having bread with olive oil and balsamic vineger before each meal out. How spoilt :)

At home, however, it's the usual menu: basmati rice, potato waffles, vegetarian sausages, bean-burgers, broad beans, gravy, Yorkshire puddings, Spar pizza, broccoli, and my special blend of pasta (it's vaguely currylike). Oh, and porridge every morning, because we felt like being healthy again.

The Radio Times have given The Sound of Drums an excellent review. Tommorrow evening can't come soon enough.

Okay, I'm sorry. I said I'd update again, but it's much easier doing it from campus. I can type faster on proper keyboards, and my laptop is somewhat struggling (hence, I'll be using the PC next year if I can). I haven't been on campus much, however. On the one hand, I feel somewhat distanced by the transformation that happens to this place in the Summer Term. The buildings fall quiet, and students are glimpsed everywhere in summerwear, which usually dampens my spirits. Everyone seems to be doing everything, and I know I can't even try to keep up with what appears to be the general schedule for all those who haven't headed home as soon as they put their pens down. It's like this for three weeks, and ironically enough, those three weeks introduced me to a great deal of campus life last year (for example, The Orbital).

( Not my Orbital )

Anyhow, it's obviously not just the Campus Factor that has kept me absent for so long. Nay, as many of you may have guessed, it's been the PS2. I get frightfully addicted to games, which is one reason why I only play when I know I've time to spare. ( FFXII and Katamari )

I know where I'm going in Germany. That will have an entry to itself too, because this one is already rolling up like a katamari in the Paramina Rift.

It was the Summer Ball last night. The event on the Campus Calander, whereby hoardes of students decend on the two quads of the Founder's Building at 8pm to spend the night until 6am with various fairground rides, a chocolate fountain, food, drink, music, pretty lights and a concert. The concert guests are never announced until after all tickets have been sold, so it's always a lottery. In this case, it was The Automatic (What's that coming over the hill? Is it a katamari?) and the Vengaboys. Not as bad as last year then (Rachel Stevens, and she mimed). So, yes. I went for a meal in Egham with Holly (pizza, pasta, and salad), and the walk there was by hundreds of students en route to the ball. A few girls in dresses, but it seemed largely the tuxedoed boys making the walk up the hill. I must admit, it made me really feel as if I've been missing out. There are anti-balls held, of course, but they're about as exclusive as the original, whose tickets sell out every year. Ironically, when the queue for the tickets began at 5am one morning, I was right nextdoor working on one of my essays, so I could have picked up a pair and joined in the frivolities.

On the point of meals, we've been eating out a fair bit lately. ( Reading Restaurant )

As for the Ball, on the way back, Holly pointed out a hedgehog to me. I have a very soft spot for the hogs o' the hedge, and immediately fawned over the poor thing. I took a lot of photos, because it's not often I meet a hedgehog like that, and the hedgehog stopped for them. I thought I'd terrified the poor creature, but he didn't roll up into a ball, and even let me touch him (gently). Afterwards, he trotted off back into the cemetery where he ought to be safe from the roads round here. I do like hedgehogs, and as Holly noted, it somewhat made my evening.

Well, I havne't exactly been all that campusly social recently. Everyone was freed up by the end of exams, and events have been raining down like a Bank Holiday Monday's weather, but I've been either spending time with Holly, or the PS2. Oh yes, not very social. Ah well...the sad fact is that my third year friends are largely disappearing in a week's time, and quite a few of my second-year friends will be essentially doing the same, given that I'll be spending next year in Eutin rather than Egham. It could have been a chance to say goodbye, but following that logic, I'd be going every year to say goodbye to whatever bunch were graduating then. I plan on going to the Ball, oh yes, but not until my final year. It makes sense, even though I'm not aware of anyone else doing it (aside from Holly). Tickets are quite expensive, anyhow.

Tonight's Doctor Who was fantastic, was it not? ( The Angels have the Phone Box )

It's really raining outside. Moreso than it has been for a fair while, and the weather this week has been too warm for my liking, so it's a welcome shift, especially since I'm indoors, at Hazel House, without anyone else around, but with various teas and coffees, the Internet, pasta and peas, and the new PS2 we got yesterday to replace the one that broke in August last year (We figured we'd wait until exams were over).

I've not updated for ages. I'd blame exams, except they're only half the story. I've had other distractions. Nevertheless, I haven't abandoned this, for all it may seem, and I still have so much to tell you. However, to keep you from skim-reading within seconds, I'll split it all up into several entries over several days. I have the time to do so, now.

Holly had to work in Reading yesterday, so I decided to tag along and make a trip of it. Holly left at 7am, whilst I left in the early afternoon: getting up in the mornings is a real problem for me in this post-exam period. Anyhow, I made my way down to the station, but just missed the train, so I had to wait half an hour, which I spent getting some ginger beer from Tesco's and scoffing at the two young (14 years old at most) chavs who were cycling all over the pavement, and shouting at each other in that Estuary English accent about how 'they was chased in Staines earlier'. By the police or another chav-gang, I couldn't tell. However, I had to deal with more chavs on the train to Reading, which was otherwise a peaceful 50 minute journey through heathland, forest, and Wokingham. Oh, I do wish that the stereotypes on chavs and chavettes weren't true, but after overhearing several of the girls' conversations, I can't help but accept them.

Enough about chavs, even though Reading seemed to absolutely full of them (is it owing to the Bank Holiday weekend?). It took me almost an hour to find Holly, after wandering around what seemed like most of Reading's city centre. She had to work until the store closed, however, so I went a-wandering, and spent a large amount of time in Whittards (of Chelsea), the tea & coffee merchant, who were having a 2/3 off sale. Me being me, I smelt the various blends they had on offer, and bought some (although only one tea blend, the others were flavoured coffees and dark chocolate for Holly and me).

Yes, I was in a city centre offering things I'd not seen for some time (bear in mind that Egham is small, and even local Staines can't compare with Reading...I've lost my familiarity with cities), but what do I go for first? Tea. Yes, how British. On which note, did you notice I started this entry by talking about the weather? I feel like saying something like 'God save the Queen' now, but to be honest, I don't see why she needs saving any more than the rest of us. Anyhow, I feel like now imparting quite what tea means to me, by detailing my tea collection. Bear in mind that I don't like pure green tea.

( Everything stops for Tea )

Now, however, I feel more like a coffee, after my grapefruit juice. The new icon (animated again, I'm afraid) explains things.

I also bought a PS2, under a bit of pressure regarding them closing up as I walked to the counter. Well, we still have various PS2 games, some of them as-yet-unplayed, and I still haven't tried Kingdom Hearts II (I know, I know) or FFXII yet (although the latter came with the PS2). I'll set up the PS2 later today, and waste away my hours in a way that I can only do in the Summer. I do, however, have a few other tasks today (such as writing several articles for the Orbital, although I'm not on their team anymore, and doing some tidying with my room).

After a coffee break where we told each other about our days, and I failed to get through to Home to tape Doctor Who for us, we went and had a meal. Reading Riverside is full of various culinary options, from a McDonalds, through Wagamamas, Nandos, Pizza Express, and up to burger bars, grillhouses, and a Cajun/Creole jazz restuarant. In the end, it was between the jazz place and the grillhouse, and we opted for the latter, based largely on the decor (mood lighting makes me so very happy). I should have ordered a different meal, though, for whilst the mixed grill was super!tasty, it was the first real-meaty meal I've had in a long time, and it filled me up very quickly (I had to leave at least a fifth), and left my digestive system struggling. I don't eat much meat anymore, and it shows. Not quite vegetarian yet, though (I still like my ham and peppered salami). It was still a fantastic meal, with the best company, and the alcoholic coffees we had afterwards did their job (perking you up whilst calming you down) well. The walk through rainy streets full of loud teenagers and clubbers (I fail to understand that scene) wasn't pleasant, but it didn't ruin what had been a fantastic evening.

All righty then, I'll stop there for now. I may indeed have bored you already. I think I'll elaborate on yesterday a little more a little later, and, of course, I've got my various exams to report on. It's not so much that I want to relive that period, as that I want to have a record of it, so I can look back on it years and come and remember what I did. Livejournals are useful in that respect.

Ahah, well so much for my week of updates. For once, however, it's not been because I tend to leave it too late, but simply as I've been doing a lot. Every day. I'm not sure whether this means I actually feel accomplished or not, however. I'll give you a runthrough of my week:

( This might be more interesting when I get the 500 photos uploaded )

Oh, and I'll be posting answers to the Lyrics Quiz tommorrow evening, so if you haven't had a go, feel free to pop over to my journal and test yourself. There have been some interesting answers so far.

Well, long time no write.

I don't know why, but I always seem to slip into a period of near-total inactivity after a period of essays. I think it's because I spend so long waiting for the essays to be over, I immediately jump at the chance to do things...and in this case, to do nothing very much. I pretty much spent Friday sleeping, and Saturday was divided between sleeping, half-tidying my room, and a walk to Saville Gardens and back (just in time for Doctor Who). I had plans for today, including an April Fool, but I only woke up at 11:30 (despite going to bed not long after midnight), and most of the day has already disappeared (although I did spend an hour checking ( other April Fools )

After the Kafka, my final essay had been on the film ( 'The Bridge' (1959) )

It was a definite relief to break away from it and go to a 'Essays Complete' celebratory ( dinner on Thursday )

I've been wanting all week to just wander about taking photographs, as the weather has been so beautiful, akin to late May. However, as my essays disappared, so did the gentle warmth, and Friday was a day of half-spirited drizzle and a dull grey that floated above everyone. ( Thus follows a random musing on Home, Away, and the Chaotic Nature of Me )

I still need to tackle my failings, though, as this term's essays have shown me well enough. I got my History essays back. The one I didn't finish got a 58, which is pretty good for a half-complete essay, but still leaves me feeling guilty. Nevertheless, the lesson on Thursday was about the Japanese Economic Miracle, and I answered enough to be confident that I do have that topic prepared. My Romanticism essay was marked down for being way too long and 'not well structured', but as the content was 'excellent', I got a 70.

Yesterday, I looked for a few things in my room and couldn't find them. Yes, it has reached that state, after three weeks of essays. I'm aware that I'm going to have to tackle it soon, but I've been putting it off this weekend. Instead, I decided to treat myself to a walk in ( Windsor Great Park )

Doctor Who? As good as I expected. This season looks like it's going to be fantastic. The idea behind this episode was also rather interesting, and Martha is shaping up to be a welcome change from Rose. For those who are into it, be sure to add martha_j, a syndication of Martha's blog that seems to be genuine (for example, mentioning Mr. Stoker long before the episode was broadcast).

My other geek pursuit of the moment is ( One Piece )

All righty then, I'll stop this entry here. I still want to go for a walk before Holly gets back from work, although this time I'll wander around Egham and Englefield Green rather than the Great Park. It's fairer on Holly, as she's been wanting for go for a parkwalk as well lately, and as we'll both have free time for the first time in ages this week, it's something to aim for (I'm also planning a touristy trip around London). Lots of photos, of course. For those of you who don't check the (many) galleries of my Facebook account, I'll look towards setting up a photo-journal on LJ so I can post them here too. On that note, also look forward to the following appearing in my journal in this coming week:

( The Programme, or possibly The Program )

All the best, Livejournallers!
Rawk!

Eww, my cucumber turned out to be pretty moudly, and it seems it was already off when I bought it two days ago. On the plus side, the balsamic salad and curried pasta-pea concution are both yummy, so I'm still having a nice dinner, albeit it an odd one. It's simply because I didn't get the chance to make the sandwiches I'd been planning to do, and so I'm having to eat certain things before they join the cucumber in the ways of the mould.

So...very little updating again. Perhaps the key reason for this is the way I'm falling asleep as soon as I lie down in the evening/early morning, and I'm busy doing various other things for the rest of the day. I was a little shocked to realise how little I'd actually been saying, in fact, and I have indeed much to say. The problem thus is that I'll be writing a very long post which, unless you're sitting there with a coffee/tea/thing relaxing, you probably won't read in its entirity. I'm sorry about that.

The Student Loans chaos has continued. I recieved word very soon after the previous post that I was going to get it, but then it was delayed again. After my parents played document ping-pong with Nottingham City Council beaureaucrats, I think we've finally worked out what was going on. My account was slipping into very low figures when I got a letter informing me my loan payments for 2005/06 were now authorised, listing payments on such dates as the 9th January 2006, with a final payment of c.£200 yesterday. I got the £200, and it seems that my loans in the first year were not authorised fully, hence the council wanting the documents for 2005 again. They have since worked out I was paid £200 less than I ought to have been, and hence made up the difference before giving me the loan for this year. In any case, whilst I'm still yet to gain the loan for this year, with which I can stop the landlord glaring at me, the £200 means that I can withstand another few weeks without having to arrange an overdraft. Thank goodness.

I've had other worries too. For one thing, the Estate Agents have proved themselves to be one of the lowest orders of mankind. Not only do they consistently lie about what time they're coming (they've been half an hour late these past two appointments), nor give the required 24h notice, but they keep writing to our landlord complaining how our house is a health hazard. Ummm, no, it really isn't. We tidied it up last week, and it's been on the right side of untidy ever since. I think the problem is that in our cleanup, we filled up the bin, and as such, had overflowing bins for a week until the council came to collect the full one. We solved this dilemma by using various carrier bags around the bin, but the evil Estate Agent seems to have thought that we like wallowing in muck, such was the tone of his letter to our landlord. He also moaned about us having pots and pans around the sink: in other words, he wants us to have a showhouse. None of us are remotely happy about this underhand Estate Agent. For those who care, it's 'Browns'.

Another stress comes from the chaotic politics of campus media. I was planning to do an update on this a few days back, but it's seriously complicated, and I don't have the time to type up the whole crazy story. Basically, for those who are not Hollowegians, I am Travel Editor for the student magazine, The Orbital. This has meant I've been commissioning various people to write articles, editing them, and writing a few of my own. It's been enlightening, and I think I've done a pretty good job: the experience I've gained in understanding the printed media, and how to manage people, has been invaluable. However, not long after we won an award for 'Best Student Magazine 05/06', a particularly outgoing fresher started a campus newspaper. He's good at it. Within a month of its weekly publishing, it's become something that strangers to campus see as professional, in line with national papers. It's got the layout. It makes money through advertising, and it's weekly nature compares favourabley with the montly Orbital. The newspaper, The Founder, was not intended to challenge the Orbital, but in the eyes of the campus population, it has, and the general opinion seems to be that it's doing a better job. The SU VP for Communications & Services certainly thought so, as he told the Orbital to become more RHUL-relevant or to become a newspaper. This was done, creating an issue with a lot more news than our previous, more-lifestyle based issues were, and the pressures involved in the whole affair have caused a number of cracks in the Orbital editorial board. I've been focusing on keeping my section as good as it has ever been, especially since the Founder does not cover travel, but others have found it a lot harder. It's pretty crazy, and I've only given you a general outline. Needless to say, campus media is in a turbulent period.

I also developed a neck pain. It could be related to all the various stresses flying around, but it's meant that I've had a dull ache in the upper-left side of the back of my neck. Its intensity is most variable, as its often been there in the evening but not the morning, and once vice versa. I initially figured I'd been sitting in a bad position, but its persistence has had me a little more concerned, as a stiff neck can be a sign of meningitis. I've not displayed any other symptoms, and I've been watching, but I'll still pop into the medical centre tommorrow to see if they can help.

I seem to have developed a temporary obession with nuclear weapons. For the past few days, I've spent a considerable amount of my free time reading up about fission bombs and fusion bombs on Wikipedia. I've always had a degree of fascination with nukes, which is probably related to the otherwordly conditions they create. Mushroom clouds look fantastic, provided you can ignore the devastation and potential suffering caused below them. I don't mean by that that I'm in favour of nuclear weapons by any means, but I still find them fascinating. I can relate this to the docudrama Nuclear Secrets currently showing on Monday evenings on BBC2 documenting the nuclear race between the USA and USSR (although they're covering the Israel/South Africa controversy next week). It's certainly given me the idea for a story, though, the embryonic form of which I had already developed last year, but have now a more definite plan for. It'd be a short story, and despite my initial worries, seems different enough from Dr. Strangelove to work. I've had quite a few story ideas as of late, actually. I may even write some of them.

Incidentally, the reason I found out about Nuclear Secrets was that it comes on soon after University Challenge. I realised with some delight that I can actually attend the RHUL UC trials this year, and intend to go along and have a go at making the team. I don't believe I'm good enough for the show, but I'd like to know just how good I am, hence the trial. Holly is convinced that I'm a quiz genius, and I set out to prove her wrong with Monday's show, before surprising myself by getting 20% or so of the answers. Maybe there is hope? I'd certainly like to give it a go!

February already. How times flies. 2007, what is wrong with you? It doesn't feel all that long since I sat with mulled wine watching the London Eye turn into the world's largest Catherine Wheel at New Year. I've a lot happening this February. Essay deadlines return to rob me of sleep. I'm going to Berlin with the German Society. I'll attend both Societies Ball (German Soc for the Win!) and Modern Languages Dinner. However, over all these things comes by 20th birthday in just over a week. Hoho, nineteen is a nothingy-age, but 20? The end of teenagery, the birth of true adulthood, a new digit to use at the front of your age, and so on. It's not going to have a great effect on me, however, because through various channels, I already feel that I'm a few stages beyond the me who wrote in this LJ two years ago. It's only scary if you turn around and look how high you've climbed.

I got the mark back for my German Project. 65, a pure 2.1, which I'm quite happy with considering my written German still has some way to go. Apparently, my research was fantastic, my grammar was solid, but I made many silly mistakes. That's always the story, so it seems. Happily, my reading comprehension seems to have gone on leaps and bounds in the past year. I now have little trouble with translation exercises that cause others to struggle (it's the other way round for some of the written pieces). I noticed during my stay in German in December that I was having far less trouble understanding things then I had before. It's reassuring indeed, but I still need to improve on my spoken and written German before the exams to ensure I gain a good grade for German Language this year. Oh, and speaking of work, I've got two essays to do in the next fortnight. The first will be on population demographics in the 19th Century, the other will either be on Japan under Douglas McArthur or the Korean War. I'm out of shape when it comes to research, however, unless you're talking about nuclear bombs...

Okay, I've got to go places now, so I'll be back later for more. Once again, sorry for the volume of blog I've thrown at you now!

Merry Christmas, Everybody!
May today prove to be a day of happiness, and remember, treasure not what you are given, but who is doing the giving.

( Entry )

A Merry Christmas Night...
Elaine

Okay, so I've not been a good livejournaller these past few months, and the last few weeks in particular. It ought to come as little surprise. I've been hot-footing from one essay to another, combined with the toxic duo of always doing too much research, and falling asleep all too easily. In fact, this entry would have been done last night, or the night before, if I hadn't fallen asleep as soon as relaxing in bed. I even missed 40 minutes of a seminar on Russian under Tsar Alexander II through oversleeping.

However, I only have two essays left this term, and both are for German, which makes them somewhat less time-consuming than the History ones. I aim to have Der Schimmelreiter finished by Sunday, although I admit I haven't been doing much for it yet. That is due to a selfish desire to make the most of some free time after going from the essay auf Deutsch, to The Road to Pearl Harbor, to Nationalist Liberalism in 19th Century Germany. I've been a busy bunny, nevermind all the other things I've got running. Tommorrow, I shall be manning the Arts & Photo Societies exhibition, which features a few of my poems, which I shall post here sometime. German Soc continues, although I'm actually very comfortable with sending out the period society e-mails, even when I have to apologise for being late, or for a cancellation of something or other.

I guess you could say I've grown up even further this past term at uni. The essay-dancing has been far worse than those of last year, although the stress hasn't been too different. I'm now very used to living in Hazel House, although I really need to spend an afternoon clearing up my room. I'm gradually getting used to the fact I'll be teaching English to German children next year, although quite where I am not yet sure (First choice: Saxony!).

I've still got a lot to worry about, though. ( Stress-Muffins )

What have I been up to then lately, aside from essays and lessons? (I could explain to you about the Paris commune, the film Kolberg or Douglas MacArthur's vanity, but you'd probably not read it). Oh, and sleeping, eating (soup, peas, pasta), drinking (college cappuccinos, green tea at home, iced tea with meals)...well, I've not actually done all that much. Less than most people, anyhow, which is quite depressing. They talk of going to London for meals, or going to Christmas parties, and I...well, I did go to a meal last night.

( Orbital Board Social )

Okay, I'd better go now.
Life continues.

(ps: Hollowegians, come and see me in SURHUL Main Hall 11am-1pm tommorrow)
(ps2: originofshowbiz, you rawked!)

Sitting in a quiet computer lab listening to New Order with the sunlight trickling in between half-drawn blinds, photographs aren't enough...

I had a bit of a nasty shock on Thursday. See, I'd forgotten about paying rent, and then got sent an e-mail (which hadn't reached my RHUL address owing to the apostrophe) asking why I hadn't paid the last four months rent. Oho, now I know why I need that student loan! I also found out why I hadn't been able to apply for my loan yet...when they asked for my home address, they didn't mean Nottingham, they meant Williamson! Oh well, I'll be getting the money soon enough, but I'll need to keep an eye on my expenditure.

I was supposed to be on the big student march in London today, but my Dad came down to hold a service and then to have lunch with my Grandfather, so I did that instead. It was a pleasant meal, even if I was utterly perplexed by the sign above the bar saying 'order food at bar', which I took to mean the bar next door...oh well. Grandad is moving closer to me soon, and it's comforting to know he's in the area. He's also got me a £500 travel grant, which I as yet have no idea what to do with!

Someone asked me over Facebook recently whether I'd been taking hormones already, as I looked different. I was most surprised because, as you know, I've had little luck with Stonebridge, so have most definitely not been taking them (even though I'd love to). I pondered if it was to do with my mindset, but I haven't been trying to be anything in specific as of late. I don't see myself looking any different either, but...well, it's a nice rumour to overhear. Hope springs eternal, apparently.

Sitting in a well-lit computer lab listening to Mark Cohn, with my notes scattered on the desk around me, typing isn't enough...

Life these days is enough of a blur. I've found a great degree of comfort in drinking a cup of coffee most mornings from Café Jules, which is conveniently located near half of my lectures, including the 10am on Monday. I usually have a moccha, because I'm weak against the touching temptation of chocolate. 'Chaos & Chocolate', that's my tag on the Bulletin Board, and it's not incorrect. I'm a coffee shop person at heart.

Oh, but it's not just chocolate. Aside from a slight twist towards Kettle Chips, I'm being somewhat healthy at the moment. Blackcurrant pieces and pressed-cherry bars are as nice, if not nicer, than fruit gums, and I love peas, beans or peppers soaked in my blend of balsamic vinegar, soy sauce and chilli powder. I don't claim to be a healthy person, but nor am I unhealthy, and that's good enough for me. Yes, I'm very thin, but that's no reason to eat junk food, surely? I like my world of ginger tea, dried apricots, barbecue ricecakes, marmite toast and balanced meals...

Someday, incidentally, I shall be a guest on QI. Not Alan Davies, although he has similar hair to me. I still have a number of years to manage it. It's no particular life goal, but I'd have a lot of fun, and I do want some degree of artistic fame someday. Aspiring to greatness does not make one selfish, so I believe.

Sitting in a dark computer lab listening to New Order again, with two Chinese students talking at volumes extreme behind me, earphones aren't enough...

I've been rather busy this week, hence the lack of updating. Indeed, I keep meaning to update late in the evening, but I've reverted to my old nasty tendancy to fall asleep as soon as I relax, and wake up in the morning with barely enough time to get to my first lesson. I'm pushing a number of deadlines this way...

* ( Writers' Circle, writing and business )

* ( GM2115: Back to school? )

* I woke up on Wednesday around the time my 9am seminar began. I therefore ran to campus, barely awake and needing my usual moccha, and then arrived only to end up having to explain, in detail, my lack of trust in historical pre-determinism with specific regard to Napoleon's rise. It wasn't even what we were meant to be discussing, but I somehow managed it, enjoying a much-needed moccha as soon as the seminar ended.

* ( Dreaming of an alternate ScotRail )

* I just had the most gorgeous meal. It had a Mexican theme, and wasn't even intended that way, but we had Tex-Mex basmati rice and hot Nando's marinated fried chicken, so I added a few peppers, and...yum! Holly made it look beautiful as well^^ This is bearing in mind that my meals lately have consisted of such feasts as ('an apple and chocolate', 'crackers and muffins' and 'super noodles'...

* Blast Torchwood for scuppering my plans last-night.

* There is a video games show in Nottingham this weekend. Richard Jacques will be giving piano recitals of Sonic themes and a few other Sega melodies as well. I can't be there. This is extremely screamworthy, so rather than cry, I'll just laugh at the locational irony and bad timing.

* E-mails, e-mails, phone-calls, phone-calls, research, translation, etc etc etc...

Today has been full of yum. Not long after waking up, we went on an epic quest to Stainesburies, where I slipped into grocery-buying mode and got a lot, including pasta, rice, soy sauce and root beer. I used some of these ingredients while preparing dinner, the first dinner we've had in this house for four people. As such, I allowed for a fair amount of choice, whilst trying to keep things healthy. I made my usual peas, albeit it with less spice and more flavour, which I did to the pasta, to a greater exent. Instead of adding chilli powder and paprika, amongst other things, this pasta had marmite, soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, Maggi Wuerze and mace. It tasted like a cross between German and Japanese cooking. I do so love making interesting flavours!

More green tea, too. I liked the one I had last night so much, I bought some of my own, although with orange blossom rather than mint. I'm not overly keen on the flavour of green tea, but I love the numbing effect it has on the mouth, as I remember from the numerous bottles of iced green tea and grapefruit juice that I bought at the College Shop until they ceased stocking it. Furthermore, I then read this article. Yay green tea, I say. I'm still amused how I've improved my diet a great deal since last year, yet, if anything, it's tastier now than it was before!

Oh, and as I just linked to the BBC, I ought to mention how none of the photos I took for 'Look Up' made it into the shortlist. I can't say I'm overly surprised, although it bugs me that the one with the most votes isn't the best one again. I have little to faith in the general public's ability to select anything. Thankyou to everyone who posted about their favourite photographs, though. I really appreciated getting such a response!

I'm going to finish sorting out my room and a few other areas tommorrow. I started during the outage, due to feeling that I needed to be doing something productive. Equally, I need to get the Orbital articles sorted, which means returning to the Computer Centre. Things are happening. Oh, September.

I'm not eating as much at the moment. It's mainly due to feeling guilty over eating food Holly and I bought together, as I feel as if I'm greedily taking her half of the pizza too. Furthermore, I keep getting distracted whilst eating due to having no-one to talk to. I really need to re-adapt, and soon. It's like waking from a dream, even if the dream was real, and I swear I can hear the rusty gears of time speeding up as this week progresses. This weekend will tell a few stories as well.

Of course, having said all that about food, I've become mildly addicted to peas (and ricecakes, but that's a different matter). I kept trying to find a seasoning that worked, and I've finally found one that turns peas into a kind of healthy sweet substitute. After draining the water, I add ground pepper, coarse brown pepper (I like my pepper) and balsamic vinegar. It's nice. I also like my seasoning for pasta, which I'll do again tommorrow, as it involves chilli powder, oregano and marmite. Yes. Aha, but I do like my seasonings. I shall have to note down my late Oma's recipe for the sauce she had with lettuce too. I couldn't get enough of that when I was little, and I haven't had it in years. I think Opa still knows it...or Mum. I know someone does, anyhow.

Rereading the above paragraph, I can see one way I've changed considerabley in the last year. I'm not sure I can put it into words, however, so I shan't. Change is constant, anyhow. I may get a better idea when I look back on these entries from a distance. I wonder if I'll have a journal in 2056, and what I'd be writing then? I'm reminded time is stealthy, and goes by very quickly, although the now will always be where you are. Heh, how often do I write about time in here? For good reason, though, as it influences me greatly.

( Slight FMA spoilers, CITV references and Time's Tears )

I'm a creature of memories, who watches the seasons with a sad smile, pleased as they develop, but remembering what has gone before. I record, and I remember, and tears flow over a smiling face as I think of what years can do. I live in present, as you must, yet I watch as another summer fades into another winter, and then I shall see another summer, and I shall not cease to remember.

I doubt that will ever change.

We have internet. However, according to cosmicflame, the router isn't doing its job, and as such, the internet is not going anywhere beyond Brian's laptop. A shame, as I need quite a catchup, and was hoping to do this tonight, but instead I'm back in the CC again.

Let's deal with a few matters whilst I have the chance, then. Foremost amongst these is ( Amecon )

In house terms, we've been the busiest we have for weeks. Both Amy and Brian were there, making a total of four housemates present. Brian arrived yesterday to fix up the internet, and Amy is sporadically working with Mencap in the local area, and turns up whenever she has a job. Sometimes, this can take us by surprise, such as when she turns up with five-minutes warning, or, as was on Saturday, no warning at all. However, with Brian catering for himself and Amy often out, Holly and I are still running meals for ourselves. Now that we have an oven (of sorts!), we can actually make decent meals, of which we attempt three a day. I hope we can keep this up until everyone returns in September, as it feels almost odd to be a student and eating healthily. As an example, we had chicken pie, potato pieces and peas (or sweetcorn in Holly's case) for our lunch this afternoon. We did have pizza last night, though, and I'm now addicted to flavoured ricecakes...

Now follows a number of mini-updates, if you will. For the sake of skim-readers, I'd put them in individual entries, but then I'd blitz your friends page, so I'll put them all here and you can read at leisure. Each paragraph is a new theme, introduced by the LJ-cut...

* ( My Grandparents, and Artefacts of Family Heritage )

* ( Williamson is No More...Alas? )

* ( Phantom Brave: My Only Nippon Ichi Game )

* ( Livin' next to Hogwarts Lake and The Forest Moon of Endor )

* ( Rest in Peace? The Council, the Houses and the Cemetery )

* That's all for now! ^-^

I'm updating from the Computer Centre at Royal Holloway. Gracious, but it's odd to be back here again, especially given the plce feels deserted compared to its student days. It's also quite hot at the moment, so that all campus is slowly baking under a blue sky. That and certain aspects of the local landscape give me the impression I'm in warm Europe. I'm reminded of Provence and the lakes of Bohemia. It's divine, although well above the optimal for me...then again, rural places shine in such an azure glow.

Travelling down on Saturday, for example. In the car, laden with my possessions, we passed across Middle England again, basking in the heat and occassionally resembling scenes from fictional rural idylls. The flat fields made a great setting for motorway travel, but it was the hills of North Leicestershire and the Chilterns which really reached out to me and whispered of countryside living. My mind conjured up scenes of large, remote houses, where there was little need to imprint personality onto a room, as they already had them. The radio danced with excited reports at the Rhythms of the World festival in Hitchin, and whilst I began to wish I were there, it was a pleasant journey. Travel always picks me up and paints silvery stars in my beckoning eyes. See the world, on the move, under the eternal blue and towards the untold horizon...yes.

( Rurality and the Summer Dreams of the Heathland )

The house itself is warming on me. My room actually feels more like my room now, even though I've added barely anything but my elegant bedside lamp. The windows to the garden mean that the sun hits me early in the day, and that the room is very warm by around 10 or 11. I basked in the heat this morning, having a lazy lie-in simply because I've been getting up early these past few days...it's just Holly, Brian and me there at the moment, so it's usually pretty quiet anyhow. Here's a quick run-down of things at the moment:

* The PS2 I brought with me has stopped reading discs again, which is annoying, as I'd just started playing Phantom Brave, and was trying to intoduce Holly & Brian to Worms. The CD drive Sony put in there is rubbish, and now I'm left with a stack of unplayed PS2 games and a PS2 that only seems to load screens half of the time, making playing any game a risk. I might buy a new (second hand) one, because I fixed the PS2 before, and it's back to being a useless black box...

* The oven is broken, and we won't be getting a replacement for a while. As such, food is generally whatever we can get. I made pasta yesterday, but without much to have with it, I soon felt blanded out, and later even felt slightly ill. Yet...I cannot live on toast and cereal...but at least the hob is operational.

* No internet for a while, hence me being here and missing the chance to go to Tescos through writing this oversized update. We'll have it eventually, but for now, life is free of google. In some respects, its refreshing, like going on a retreat. I have suddenly found myself with a lot of time on my hands, however.

* The local area is pleasant enough to walk through, although we do seem to have a family of street children at the end of the road. The pavement is an extension of their house, and there nearly always are a few members of the family outside on it. They almost rival the local cat population, seemingly dominated by two cats, one white, the other white-and-black, and the two don't get on. The ginger around the corner is very friendly, however.

* It's not as bad it may seem. It's just easier to write about what's slightly off than what is going as normal, because, well, it's normal. I could write about how the lights work fine, or how the toaster makes nice toast, but I'd then be here all day...

And finally...the ( Answers to the 100 Lyrics Quiz )

Although, I wasn't overjoyed with a few people who never normally comment on my entries pouncing upon that entry and then replying to other posts about the same entry. Don't love me for my lyrics, people (and that only applies to a few. If you tried the quiz, that doesn't automatically make you applicable to the above statement!)

'Til next time...

I was going to update, but I suddenly realised I was rather hungry, and that looking at Fish & Chip shops on Wikipedia was a bad idea. I had no idea I could crave gooey British cuisine like that, but even mushy pea sauce seems appealing. I admit that I've been eating way too little this past week, but it's led me into a cycle of having too little energy to have a meal...I don't want to put money on my card with only a week to go, so Founder's is out, and there is only so much microwavable food one can ingest, and it's hardly filling. Super noodles have quickly lost their appeal. For some reason, however, I've been eating a lot of peperamis lately. I'm not overly sure why: I was hoping to slowly become vegeterian, which hasn't happened. I suspect the spices are to blame. I do so like my pepper. I like the pepper fruits too: they're gorgeous, especially with olives and just a few chillis.

Oh, and speaking of spice, why do Nando's have different spice ratings for their food and sauces? We ate there yesterday, and were taken completly unprepared by the 'hot' sauce, which was far spicier than the 'hot' chicken. It was a shame, because even the milder spiced foods then set the heat off again, and the sauces themselves were really lovely. I grew midly addicted to the mild herbal sauce, although I had difficulty finishing the meal, and the price was a rip-off, as could be expected from London. I'll stick with Frango's in Kingston, which is such a carbon copy of a Nando's that I'm surprised they haven't been sued.

I do look forward to next year, when a freezer and an oven will allow real dinners to be cooked! Although, having said that, I suspect I haven't seen the last of super noodles, chicken ready meals or pot noodle, the latter of which I only have monthly. Yes, I'm trying to cling to a vague pretence of health. The 10km in sunbaked humidity on Thursday does suggest that I'm not as unfit as I'd deem myself, and I do prefer my seeded rye bread and chocolate rasins to fruit gums and those grease-laden pizzas which you can buy from the phone places. I'm lucky in a way: grease makes me ill, so I can never manage to eat much greasy food, and if I do, I'd regret it soon after. I'm a little like that with fruit gums too. Oh, the madness!

Okay, enough talk. I need to find food. I think I have some oriental noodles waiting in my room, which would need a can of peas and some unseeded rye bread (alas, its nowhere near as nice as the seeded variety) as supplements. Yet another late night, too, although I seem to wake up around eleven no matter when I go to bed at the moment. Bad me...

I'm doing things, yet life still seems slow at the moment. I blame the end-of-term atmosphere, where we remain without any acedemic tasks to complete. Schedules are ever-changing, and change is both ahead and behind. It's a time for reflection, appreciation and affirmation, and a realisation of where we stand.

( Lazy Trains, A Cemetary Sunset, and an Ill Holly )

( My Home Next Year, A Delayed Edition and The Art of Public Speaking )

( Assignments and SURHUL Politics Extra )

*yawn* I need to stop staying up so late, even though I've nothing booked until the late afternoon. I still have things to do, which you'll be hearing about at some later date. To bed it is, then...

Today, I have been relieved of one stress to be set upon another. This morning, I completed my German Language exam, and now I have to begin my Historical Leaders essay. Exams and essays really do not go together, and I'm losing sleep over having a 3500-word (in my case, it'll be 4000) essay to complete within five days, which was intended to be completed over the four weeks of Easter. This is another reason why Joint Honours is evil incarnate (aye, I'm tempted to ask for an extention, but I'd be seen as pushy). It was worse before, however, as I couldn't begin my essay until the German was out of the way, so I was doubly losing sleep and walking around feeling increasingly pressured.

Despite this, I pretty much had today off. I felt I needed it, after the stress of ( this morning's exam )

Later on, I met up with many people (almost everyone apart from Helen, Sarah and Brian) for lunch in Founder's, which was altogether really quite pleasant. Double takes occured when we told Amy she should come to Amecon, and she replied that she couldn't, as she was already going to an anime convention in Leicester...in other words, she's already going. This Amecon will be very glompy, I suspect. After dinner, I bought myself a bottle of cold pink lemonade, and drank it outside the Students Union whilst I waited for my society president (Arts Society). Kat came up and asked how I was, as I was no doubt looking stressed and sleep-deprived, which was really quite sweet. I soon met my president and we quickly got the budget sorted with Hannah Booth (Goddess of SURHUL societies): Arts is recieving no money because we're expecting to raise £375 from an exhibition next year. That will be interesting to say the least, especially if we can pull it off.

After that, I went back to my room and fell asleep. I needed it, to be truthful, and I had a few deep dreams, although I cannot remember them. What I do remember, on the other hand, is waking up to the sound of the theme of Sonic 2's Hilltop Zone. I was simultaneously confused and delighted, and then I realised the familar sounds of ring collection were coming from the adjacent room. Intrigued, and overjoyed at the unexpected presence of vintage videogaming, I listened further, and could not help smiling as it became clear someone was playing the game for the first time, with two equally clueless 'mates' watching. Mystic Cave provided them with much confusion, and the gorgeous line: Who creates places like this, telling the decorater 'Oh, I'll have nails sticking out of the walls at all kinds of angles, with a few lava pits, and a collapsing rope bridge or two. Ooh, and some crushing doors please!. I'm sure the eclective would be equally amused.

I was, however, still exhausted, and depsite meeting Viv, Nick and Holly later, I had gained a headache which only showed signs of abating during tonight's General Meeting, for which I was five minutes late owing to a rushed ready-meal dinner. ( Sidetracking ). The GM was pretty standard fare, ( but notable for a few things )

Finally, after all that, I joined Amy and the_grim_squeak and enjoyed an hour in Crosslands with IFIS, who are all very nice geeks, although of a different sort to those at anime. The highlight of that was when Hit me with your Rythym Stick by Ian Dury & The Blockheads came on the jukebox, starting a Doctor Who discussion, of all things. I used the time to relax, and then briefly said goodnight to Holly, before looking at the task that will crush my existance until noon on Monday. ( This is my metaplan )

Please make sure I keep to this plan, as if I do not, I will not be finished in time. This goes primarily to RHUL people who must poke me if I sleep for too long or procrastinate too much. The title, by the way, is the politically stimulating What did Sun Yat Sen contribute as a leader to the political development of China?. The biggest trick of the title is that 'China' refers to two countries. Right now, I have no idea how I will approach the question, but I'm hoping that the sources will give me clues. What I already know is that he never got to be an official leader, that he was a master of rhetoric despite doing little, that his teachings have been adopted by two ideologically-opposed states, and that he was part of a more general movement which freed China from European colonialism. Quite how to structure this...well, I'll leave that to a future me to work out, and that me will hate the current me for it!

Long update, ne? Don't expect another anytime soon. Procrastination is a real no-no for quite a while...

I feel like an icon change is due: I may even change my journal background! Yes, everything is rickety and homemade, but I like it that way. It's the difference between neat plastic shelves from Ikea and something crooked and wooden made for you by your father/sister/best friend/random stranger who came in and made you tea and biscuits.

I also feel a little guilty for listening to this particular piece of music. It keeps me optimistic, though, when in places the world feels it's falling apart. I suppose I can relate to the whole thing too, in a vague way: I needn't elaborate. Since switching PCs, I've had to leave my huge music collection behind while interneting (if that's not a verb, it should be), so I'm now resorting to the Music of Velheris, which is just my way of saying of New Collection. It included such classics as Good Morning Starshine, God's Alibi, Man In The Rain and Skalizairn, amongst others. It's very inspiring, but I havn't done any writing over this holiday yet due to never feeling I can...I like to write when there is nothing else pressing to do, and by sharing this computer and dealing with my brother, I've not had that time.

Parents are back: they returned about 2AM last night, as I was trying to finish my dinner, which I'd warmed up as I couldn't finish it earlier. Mum was glad to see me, Dad started reprimanding me almost straight-away, which I'm sorry to say I fully expected: he doesn't mean to be irritating, but he approaches everyhting critically, which is pretty much the opposite to me, so we clash frequently. I try and keep out of his way (I typoed 'jeep out of his way' there, which would be interesting). At least my brother now has something else to metaphorically hammer on. My parents are going away this weekend, though, to a folk festival in the Netherlands. I'd have loved to have gone, but something was telling me that I couldn't, and whilst I don't know what that was, I've decided to stay at home.

In case you're wondering about my lack of dinnereatingness, it's been bothering me too. I'm eating scandalously little at the moment, although it's not at all intentional. I just seem only able to eat a little, and then I feel full. This normally happens when it's hot, but the temperature at the moment isn't really hot or cool, so it's not that. I'm linking this lack of eating to my lack of energy at the moment, but as I said, it's not at all intentional. It's not related to body perceptions: for one thing, I'm already very thin, so I needn't get any thinner. Maybe it's just what I've been eating recently: after all, I'm known to make breakfasts into banquets of cereal, toast and fruit juices. Furthermore, I did have a lot to eat last night, as my brother refused to eat any chilli beans or spiced lentils, and only had a few carrots and herbs, so I had to have the lot (which I'd cooked myself as well, so I didn't want to waste it).

( Gratutious Anime Report (feel free to skip) )

Oh, and apparently I live in the UK's 2nd worst city. Granted, there is a lot of gun crime in the North parts of the city, but the South is far from Hell (or Hull, which was apparently the worst), and binge drinking isn't the problem the BBC makes it out to be. I'm glad to live here, and would have gone to Uni here if I didn't live here already.