Current mood:	tired
Current music:	Door Into Summer OC Remix
Entry tags:	dysphoria, exams, summer, travel

Midsummer Breeze
Okay, and now for an entry that isn't about one of my many exams! It's a relief to say that, as I've managed to keep reasonabley within my self-imposed ban this week, whilst still checking friends lists (but not having time for repliance). I've been talking a lot on TheStudentRoom, especially with a Suffolk girl called Melone who's going to study the same subjects as me at Uni, and we helped each other prepare for the German exam. I've also been spending a shamefully large amount of time on the Bad Wolf forums, for the incoming climax of Doctor Who has been matching my stress at these exams. The speculation is far less now, though, and I'm mainly socialising and making poor jokes.

I've perhaps bored you a little with these entries that say basically the same two things: 'Aaargh, exam!' and 'It was okay actually'. That's how it always plays out for me, however, as I am very much a worrier, and worse, telling me not to worry usually makes me worse. Still, GCSEs and ASs have prepeared me for what to expect, and the exams rarely match my predictions for them. I feel almost like I'm playing a game, hijacking the slightest threads of hope and using them to turn the whole ship around. On reflection, that's my school life. I'm lucky to be able to do this, and have my memory to thank for that in a large way, but the worrying rarely abates.

Funny how two years can be decided in three hours.

It's stupidly hot outside. Even at 4AM, I could walk outside and relax under the dawn sky. I don't like the heat, but I do like the atmosphere it brings, of laziness and life. After 13 years of Summer Holidays breaking up school years, it's no wonder it feels like that, but last year's excursion across Europe now brings to mind my journal background, with the Summer Sun rising about the Eiffel, or the lazy blue skies of rural Bohemia. Wanderlust stirs in me as a gaze at photos of distant cities, but the travelling will have to wait at least for a year. For now, there is the heat and sun.

There's a scent carried on the Midsummer breeze that I wish I could seize and dance with in a carefree run amongst the hilltops. Azure skies always hold such promise for me, and the world around me seems rejuivinated. I, of course, remain a watcher, for I am still prevented from catching the breeze and using it to transform myself into a beacon of the blue heavens. Maybe it is that same restriction that hides the promise of the breeze, and gliding on the thermals to cities of blue marble, built on shimmering shores with beauty and peace all around. It's a dream, but worth chasing.

If only I could physically be. But never mind that.