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Monday, September 4th, 2006
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8:14p - All Change
I'm feeling somewhat isolated again, although the problem is almost the opposite this time. The internet is back, along with the phone line, which may have had something to do with putting money on my phone card on Sunday. It's a relief to be reconnected, but it's ringing somewhat hollow right now.
I've been here since mid-July, and whilst part of me realises that has been a long time, I still felt this Hazel life was something I was still adapting to. That may well be so: as Holly said, I've become more independent. What has really brought home how this has been home is the fact that Holly has gone home for a few days.
I'm alone.
For all my writing about change, I am easily affected by it, and a routine which built up between Holly and I over these past months required the Holly part. This rang as I began to prepare dinner. For once, I was cooking simply for myself, and I had no-one to talk to whilst simmering the peas. We usually had dinner with a CD accompaniment, and whilst I currently have an Enya CD playing ('China Roses' fits quite well with the general mood), I'm going to put on a DVD whilst eating dinner, because I only have myself to talk to, and I'm all too used to their voice.
Of course, in a matter of weeks, the house will be full, and we'll all have Uni things going on again. The Summer routine has to come to an end sometime, and whilst last year, I felt quite glad to be free of passive depression, I feel more akin to the Summer of '03, where life was generally kind and every evening was a gateway to the stars.
September is meant to be this, though. It marks the end of Summer, and until last year, marked the return to the school with all the associated pagentry: the clarity of new exercise books, the smell of freshly-bought stationary, the easing back into the school routine with new classes and new teachers. Holloway is a little like that, but it's a faded black-and-white copy of the original, and with all the extra work I'm doing, it won't even be an easing back to the routine.
I may not be shuffling in a duffel coat under reddening leaves towards school gates, but the season of change is upon us. It's renewal: the old dies, the new is born. For tonight, however, I don't want to let go of the old, and I shall smile sadly as I think about the Summer which is now passing away. The days of Phantom Brave and hours in the Computer Centre, the late-night watching of Full Metal Alchemist with bowls of ice cream, the adaption to house-life...it's a marker point.
I'll be heading home myself at the end of the week, briefly.
Time is a stealthy thing.
I'll write more after dinner, methinks. I feel retrospective tonight.
current mood:  retrospective
current music: Enya - Watermark (4 comments |comment on this)
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